Talveons,
To say the first 3 months of the year have been insane is just scratching the surface of the chaos in the Pliley home.
It may take some time yet we roll with the punches and usually come out on top.
The distance between the UK and the USA doesn't feel very big most days and yet there are occasions when it seems even further than the other side of the world.
As you can tell from the picture, in which my Nana looks super sassy and I love it, I lost someone close to me at the end of January. Due to all the arrangements etc, she was put to rest towards the end of February. It really was amazing to see how many people adored her and I can only hope to have an impact on others in such a positive way as she did.
Grief is so weird.
At first, I was ashamed as I didn't cry out the moment I heard the news and fall to the ground like they do in movies and TV shows. Being so far away I couldn't accept that it was really happening. Numb is the best word for it. I went into business mode checking on my mom, my siblings and checking flights to the UK, etc. Then came anger. Not towards her but mostly my husband and children.
It was then my best friend suggested a sleepover. A way to get out of the house for a while and take a break. And it was then on the freeway, driving the fast speed limit that I sang along to a song I love, but this time it hit me deeply.
I cried while driving the rest of the way. I parked in front of a temple close by to my best friend's home and I sat there texting my hubby. I was confused, ashamed and I hate people seeing me cry so I was refusing to continue on. Eventually, I did go inside and it turned out a great night.
An emergency trip to the UK for the funeral was arranged a little bit later and though I got to see my family it really was just bittersweet.
The funeral was where I finally broke down. I broke down hard. Luckily I had my UK family and my wonderful hubby with me so I was able to push passed it.
But I can only describe grief in my experience as waves. I feel okay and that life is carrying on and then something will remind me of the loss.
Like the cats knocked over the flowers in the picture and almost ruined the program. I lost my temper, screamed, and yelled, then cried to my hubby.
And the time I was cleaning up and found the last Christmas card she sent to us. It then hit me she'll never send another. Yep, more crying.
A few times now I've heard another song on the radio that reminds me of her. Sometimes big sobbing, sometimes little sobbing but always some.
Anyway, here we are almost two months later and I know she wouldn't want me to wallow.
My Nana was one of the best people I ever had the chance to know and she believed in me. She believed with her entire heart that even though I was far away I was doing what was best for me and my new USA family. She knew that I would be a bestselling author someday and I plan to make her proud.
With your continued support, my Talveons, I know can do so and that means more to me than you'll ever know.
Always Keep Fighting.
You Are Enough.
A R Pliley
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